So, there’s been many millions of people that want to know exactly what happened in Vegas last Friday/Saturday. The following is the breakdown of time as recalled by me.*

* Some facts may not be recalled exactly as they happened due to alcohol, and the WHIVSIV rule.

Friday

6:20 AM – Plane departs from airport. I find out that I am sitting next to some people that frequent the Portland Beaver games and know me from there. They are actually very cool people, but it is way to early to carry on too much of a conversation. The husband gives me a sample of an energy drink mix… this will come into play later.

8:20 AM – Touch down in Vegas. As usual, Vegas is awesome. I head to the bathroom to change into my presentation clothes because before I play, I have to work. That is the key to get the company to pay for a trip to Las Vegas.

9:00 AM – Caught a cab, and show up at the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce for my presentation. As of now I’ve already been up for 6 hours. I ingest prior aquired energy drink, and catch up on my practice financing by listening to the guy from MBNA.

10:35 AM – I’m on, big presentation about dental direct marketing. Exciting stuff to them I guess as they were riveted to their seats and taking notes like crazy… nailed it.

12:10 PM – Finally finished, a little long, but nobody minded as I covered a lot of great stuff, answered a lot of questions. Eat my first meal of the day (ham sandwich and a piece of pie.

1:00 PM – 2 more speakers talk, and I try to look interested. I am pretty awake at this point which I believe is due to the energy drink.

3:30 PM – Panel discussion, I answer a question or two, but am looking forward to hitting the hotel.

4:45 PM – Seminar over, I head to the hotel and check in. Nice place. I hit a quick nap and a shower before…

6:00 PM – FREE Drinks in the hotel bar! Who am I to pass up free drinks. Sat with the crew to talk about marketing stuff, and ended up talking about Delta Airlines with the seminar producers wife. Ended up downing 3 Bacardi and cokes and a shot of scotch.

7:25 PM – Get a B&C for the road and stash it in my room for later. Then I catch a cab to the baseball game. Las Vegas vs. Colorado. Cab costs $11 to get there, but I am informed it will be at least $25 to get back.

9:30 PM – Great game, saw the LV pitcher throw a no hitter until the 8th, but now it was time to head back. Crack addict lady taki driver only cost me about $15 to get me to Treasure Island. Shoot, that’s close enough.

10:00 PM – After wandering around the strip a bit and taking in the sights (I love this place) I end up at a “Lucky Ladies” blackjack table in the Flamingo Hilton which I still think is super close to my hotel. I meet Kimmy, Lyn, Angie, and Teri…the dealers and Pit Boss for the night. Order me a beer.

10:15 PM – The great thing about having a table by the entrance to a casino is they like to make you look like you are having a great time and getting great service which means the drink lady is coming by every 15 minutes. I get a beer from her about every 2 trips.

11:30 PM – The last time I really remember looking at my watch. A new couple sits down at the table, and the girl pulls out a cheat card from her pocket. I proceed to look at it for help. Im not down too much so far, and almost pull even using her cheat sheet.

1:00 AM (approx) – Every dealer has rotated through, and I am by far the one that has been at the table the longest. Met some cool people, and it is a very transient crowd. people come and go blowing $20, or even $100. I am still playing on my original $80.

2:50ish AM – After many bathroom runs and $80, they close down the table and I figure I better head back to the hotel which in my mind is about a block away. I pick up my beer and head out the door.

2:55ish AM – I get about half a block up a side street and I can’t even walk straight. I toss my beer in a bush and head to the front of a Marriot to wait for a cab.

3:10ish AM – Cab drops me off at my hotel. I stagger and ask the hotel guy if they have an airport shuttle and he says no. I leave before he can finish explaining to me that they can call me a cab.

3:11ish AM – In the brilliant move of the evening category, I call my girlfriend. She actually answered. I have no idea what I said, but she does. Sorry babe.

7:15 AM – Wake up HURTIN’ and try to drag myself around packing and showering and dying. Finally get out of there at…

8:30 AM – Take a cab to the airport and find out that my flight has been delayed. I almost cry because my plane now leaves at 1:30 and I could have stayed in bed for another 3 hours.

From there it is a mash of eating Subway, drinking lots of water, napping in the airport, and listening to my iPod. I did sit next to a guy who ordered a Jack and Coke on the plane. that was the last thing I wanted to smell for 2.5 hours. He was a good artist though, designed furniture or something. I tried to sleep.

Got home about 3:00 and headed straight to the baseball stadium for work. It wasa almost too quick, but it was just a teaser for the good times to come. Of all the things I took, my iPod was the best. helped keep me entertained in the airport, and put a smile on my face during the difficult morning.

I am guilty…guilty of being one of the nameless Apple drones out there that loves every little gadget, device, and portable thing that starts with an “i”.

Shoot, in my house right now, I have an iBook (on it now) an iMac, an iPod, an iHome, an iRemote, and an iProtect.

I have iAccesories for my iPod, and iAccesories for those iAccesories. I think I may just rename myself iJames.

But before Apple released the iMac, and subsequently the iPod, there were very few things with an “i” in front of them. Remember the movie “iRobot”? Thats OK, nobody else does either.

So how did the “i” come about?

Ive got one answer, and it will revolutionize how you think of your iThings.

IHOP. Thats right, the good old International House Of Pancakes. Been around forever, or at least 20 years before the first bondi blue iMac appeared, or was even conceived.

IHOP provided many things that the iLifestyle provides today, form, function, ingenuity. The newest most exciting products on the planet. Noone else dared to attempt a Rootie Tootie Fresh and Fruitie Breakfast. But IHOP did.

In fact, I would venture to say that Apple ripped of IHOP in the iNaming of its iGear.

Some marketing genius was sitting enjoying a Moons Over My Hammy Breakfast and said “I’ve got it! Let’s put an “i” in front of a word, any word, and sell it to the masses. They will eat it up as the newest greatest thing ever in the english language.”

And so it was, the iMac was born, bringing with it the birth of many thousands of iProducts.

I guess we are just lucky to not have a Rootie Tootie Fresh and Fruitie Mac. Although I consider it no coincidence that Apple produced the iMac in many fruity colors. Blueberry, Orange…both IHOP syrup flavors.

I think IHOP has a legitamate basis for an infringement lawsuit.

Dear Disabled Veteran Cardboard Sign Beggar Guy,

I recently stopped at your light near the intersection of State street and 12th, and I was impressed with your location (the first rule of business, location). I passed by about a week ago and saw you standing there wit hyour sign, and my heart really went out to you… (im a veteran too, but I have money, and bills, so I did not donate).

While passing today, I found that you had made a very good marketing investment. When other homeless people are investing in new cardboard, and thick sharpies, you took it one step further, kept the old sign, and purchased yourself a wheelchair.

Absolutely brilliant. Im sure you had to balance the investment against a quick Meth fix and a 22 oz can of Steel Reserve, but in the end, I feel you have made the right choice.

Not only will you make more money, but the “marketing expense” you just incurred is no doubt fully deductible in this fiscal year. THis will save you greatly on the taxes that you already don’t pay.

Well, Mr. Homeless veteran, I salute you and your upper level marketing decisions. You should soon get promoted to a much better location, with much more generous and rich passersby.

And you won’t even have to walk…just don’t get a DWI.

OK, all credit for this post goes to someone else…not me, but she said I could steal it.

Shes got a huge test tomorrow, which requires #2 pencils.

She said “If #2 pencils are so great, why aren’t they #1 pencils?”

An instant classic…

Feel free to steal and distribute.